Just posting to write something somewhere and not hassle my lovely Senior Jezzies.
Had some very nice dirty talk with a dude I have yet to meet today. And all was good for a football and fuck night when two things happened. First being I got my period. How am I like the only chick with an IUD who still gets her period? Even my GP Doctor was surprised when I told her Wednesday. Second thing was when I got in my car to leave work, it started making this noise like some important part was about to fall off. I stopped at a gas station and looked around the underside and nothing seemed to be dangling, but at that point I had already bagged on the plans for tonight because of the period thing (but used the car as my actual excuse).
I know I shouldn’t just throw myself into a fuck buddy situation with some dude, but honestly I just miss physical touch. Admitting that makes me feel like my mom. She used to tell me she would go weeks without being touched and that made her so sad. The most I am getting now is when one of my work/smoking buddies comes up behind me and gives me a shoulder rub when he wants to go smoke. Totally platonic with him and me. I think he thinks of me between a friend and a daughter figure.
Anyways. I am depressed. Hopefully tomorrow I will find the motivation to go to my storage unit and dig out my natural sun lamp which will help with the seasonal depression. And maybe on Sunday I can go get my shit from the last dude. He has: my canning books (all 4), a pillow of mine, a bath sheet of mine, several movies and his friend has my big ass mixing bowl. I want my shit back. I want a clean break from this dude. But I worry that with the raging period hormones if he comes on to me I will fall for it. And he is someone I have had period sex with before so that hesitation goes out the window.
I need to learn how to make friends. I need to do stuff outside of the office with the work friends I do have. I need to change my life so I can be happy. It just seems so overwhelming right now which leads to the sense of defeat before I even begin to make progress.
In summary, I am turning into my mother and that scares the shit out of me.
